The Shut-in Stand-Up

A comedic look at modern life from the perspective of a traumatized but standing up shut-in.

Snails prove a memory aid theory


I know the study is cool and groundbreaking, but at some point – can’t we just agree that if you use, you don’t loose it?

And the more you use your brain for complex and novel thinking, the smarter, more creative and compassionate you become?

Click for Snail Story

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question to loving christians against inclusive marriage for gays


then how can you then say, but no marriage for you gays and lesbians?

that’s not fair that the cost of honesty be celibacy.

and it’s cruel to marry a person that you canny truely love, because you cannot love someone and love fully love them and everything about them as a person, including their group characteristics and social identity – to love them at every level of their being

and it’s not very loving of christians to say on one hand our sex is evil, but if you don’t do it then we’ll tolerate you as long as you can act straight.

and sneaking off to sex workers or vulnerable underlings or whatever, isn’t acting straight – it’s just sexually acting out – to feel for a moment a relief from the strain.

life is hard enough without trying to live a lie. and it’s beyond cruel to trick someone into being your beard.

if you don’t want gays and lesbians having unmarried sex then let them get married – and eventually, we won’t want it any more than you do

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Dictators are dick-gods


dictators aren’t atheists, they think they are gods and they believe that sincerely if they last long enough in power – and like any god, they don’t suffer competition gladly and so have to stomp on the followers of their competing gods – who also happen to be their population base.

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Might Makes Right


Capitalists are the modern day warlords, imposing their fiscal power upon the world to reshape it in ways that pillaging nomadic horsemen never imagined.

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Superheros or Supervillians?


I’m The Integrity Fairy – it’s from my experiences in the non-profit and public sector, and wasn’t stuck to me as a compliment, either.

My Lesbro Pal told me that my super power is the ability to reduce anything down to it’s most painful essence.

Painful being more operative than essence.

Heavy sigh.

If I was a superhero, I’d be Enertia Girl…

..but then, I guess I’d never know it.

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Razzle Ranch Shrimp


One of the things that I miss from life outside the house is fun appetizers that restaurants serve. But there’s no reason why you can’t create fun fusion tasty treats right at home and with very little effort and less money than restauranting.

I combined three favorites – coconut shrimp with a drizzle of ranch dressing and the penultimate favorite – szechuan chilli sauce.

But the best part about putting together your own food is that instead of being presented with a plate where the food is arranged in an eye pleasing manner that may also suggest a sequence of eating to maximize the flavours and textures and aromas.

When you prepare your own snacks, you get to really think about what elements you want to combine.

So standing still and thinking about flavour, texture, mouth feel, aroma, what blends and what provides a counterpoint – allows you a moment to reflect, be creative and playful beyond mere nourishment, balanced eating, eating for emotional balm, comfort or worse, to show someone else that they can’t control what you eat, because won’t eating a whole box of something show them.

Not that I know anything about food being a substitute for emotions, or sublimation of anything or cramming any emotions down into the pit of your stomach, to burn and fester or dissolve in the acidy depths of the upper GI Tract. Okay, I don’t think I can pull that claim off even with you not being able to see my face.

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Making the most of meals


With all the hubbub of the season and the workaday world – meal times are just not what they used to be.

Even us Shut-ins don’t have time – well, okay, we technically have the time but not the actual capacity – for planning a sit down balanced and well rounded dinner.

So comfort foods – usually prepackaged in the frozen food aisles – are often the order of the day, the catch of the day, and just what’s on offer today.

But there are ways to dress up and make the familiar comfort food – such as a nice chicken pot pie into a cosmopolitan treat and a tastetacular:

Okay I admit it doesn’t look fancy – but that’s Chilli-Garlic Szechuan sauce – that turns regular chicken pot pie into Szechuan Chicken pot pie – and that’s several orders of flavour above the plain and usual version.

Then, for a seasonal and fast dessert: Krispie Brittle

In a bowl, place several large marshmallows and microwave for 45 seconds or until the marshmallows puff up.

Add a spoonful at a time, Holiday Rice Krispies – until you have the ratio of krispies to marshmallows that you like best – then enjoy a bowl of Krispie Sticky Brittle – a reverse rice crispy square.

So the actual work involved:

  1. turning on the oven
  2. opening a package to remove the chicken pot pie
  3. removing the pot pie from the oven an hour later
  4. plating the pot pie and adding Szechuan chilli sauce
  5. microwaving marshmallows in a clean bowl
  6. mixing cereal into marshmallows

6 steps might seem daunting, but the flavour and texture pleasures of a simple meal with a cosmopolitan kick are worth taking that extra time to pamper yourself and maybe lift for a short while of food enjoyment the perpetual depression that makes everything taste like ashes and the colour in the world seem as grey as the season.

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Elk saves Marmot


Zoo keepers in Idaho were curious about their 4 year old elk’s strange water trough behavior – until it pulled out a half drowned marmot – saving the critter from drowning.

Which, I think goes to show that nature is not as red in tooth and claw as we would like to think – since this is an act of altruism – the elk gained nothing by it’s rescue of a creature with no connection to the elk’s well being or daily existence.

Something that more people could learn – it generally costs us very little – other than paying attention – to do great deeds with significant impact for others.

It’s time we studied animals as they are – not what we would like them to be.

It’s not anthropomorphizing to understand that animals have emotional qualities that are not that removed from our own – we are, after all, animals that have learned to manipulate our environment – while the other animals just exist within their environment – which they explore and understand in their own way.

So it shouldn’t be that hard for us to observe what’s evident and trust that we are not reading in – just capable of reading more than we usually allow ourselves – owing to prejudice and bias and preconceptions – usually that animals are less sophisticated than humans – so when one does display behaviours such as rescuing a marmot – we are astonished, when we shouldn’t be.

 

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Housecleaning


Now a lot of people don’t like pets because they shed and mess things up.

But I think that when you don’t have pets, you miss out on a lot.

For example, dogs can be labour savers – cleaning up kitchen floor messes – even getting into the deeper corners:

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Now that’s a double benefit for depressive shut-ins, because the floor gets cleaned and you have a few minutes of conflict free entertainment.

Well, conflict free until The Spouse finds out that you posted the photos on the internet.

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Clean or Dirty


It’s surprising to me that being at home recovering – or trying to recover – at least, trying not to read about people who’s experienced trauma extremes – especially unnecessary trauma you never imagined possible in a secular and moderate nation like Canada.

I try not to read too much of other victims of workplace bullying, because more often than not, the story grimly ends with the person’s life being a shadow of it’s former self.

One of the interesting things about Facebook was when people discovered they were being asked to accept “friend” requests from people they’d known and were bullied by in elementary or high school.

Despite being an adult and many years – a lifetime away – from those schoolyard taunts.

But that simple friend request, from someone in your past who couldn’t be thought of a friend in any meaningful way – the past intruding into the present and touching off all the old pain and fears, if just for a moment.

I have never understood why people tell teenagers and children to enjoy their time, there’s nothing that would make me want to be a child or teen again – especially not a teen – those were difficult years of too much high drama and purple poetry.

But now at home, almost hermetically sealed against the world that I am too fragile to be in right now; everything takes on a new dimension.

I am emotionally flat with the complexity of a 6 year old, I engage in activities with an unsheilded heart, happy to be floating along in the enertia in whatever activity.

Until there’s a conflict – and it doesn’t even have to be big, just a difference in expectation, an unanticipated option, and it’s enough to cause a shut down, a withdrawal – a need to flee and regroup.

When I go to bed, one of the last things I see is the dishwasher in the kitchen, for I have begun to measure my day by the activities that I can accomplish.

If the dial says clean and there’s no dishes, then I accomplished something. Not to be proud of the dishes, but that I did something to improve or maintain a standard.

The problem though, is that simple concept – clean or dirty, too easily morphs into good or bad, worthy or unworthy.

It’s bad enough when people make you bad, but who need an appliance dollar store device making you feel worst about yourself?

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