The Shut-in Stand-Up

A comedic look at modern life from the perspective of a traumatized but standing up shut-in.

Halloween Guy, I want to have your no babies

on November 11, 2011

Dear Halloween Guy

You are my hero and I would like to have no babies with you.

I am a Vancouver, BC area shut in who spent Halloween night pretending that I wasn’t home because as an agoraphobic with general anxiety and panic disorder, I find it extremely difficult to deal with the fireworks exploding and costumed kids demanding candy in exchange for trampling my garden and distressing my dogs with the incessant doorbell ringing.

People seem to want a lot without considering the capacity of the person they are obligating.

So I want to assure that you that I will be happy to have your no babies, and will never ask you for child non-support and I am happy to ship our no children to spend time with you whenever you like – shared custody is always better for the children.

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